The List

Since I am now 22, and clearly a classy sophisticated lady, there are a few behaviors that I need to work on.

1. Using my cleavage as a drink holder. While this is nice for dancing, or cooling off on a hot day, the cleavage cup holder is not ladylike or classy. It is important that I am both ladylike and classy.
2. Cursing so much.
3. Yelling made-up words at animals on the streets. This behavior is reserved for crazy people only.
4. Spending so much money on groceries. Let’s face it, even my expensive taste in jellies can be curbed in favor of saving up to move out of my parents house.
5. Laughing to myself about the following: farts, poopy, the poop braid, butts, urine, barf. Periods are okay. Because I’m a lady.
6. Over-sharing with strangers. Or, do I really need to stop this? I’m sure lots of people want to hear my remedies for period diarrhea and chub rub, where I used to work, or possibly scarring stories of my early years.
7. Picking my scabs. What am I, five?
8. Drinking so much. And, more importantly, trying to outdrink my friends/family/co-workers.
9. Listening to podcasts that make me laugh out loud in public. It’s hard to hide an outburst of laughter in a crowded place when you’re by yourself.
10. Feigning ignorance for attention. How embarrassing.

2 responses to “The List

  1. Pingback: Victory for Justice « The Emily Berens Show with Alex Brunelle

  2. Listen, Poop and Farts are funny to my grandma and my grandma is 84 years old, still classy and still laughing about poop in public.

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