my last first day

Four years ago, I sat in Mr. Peters’s second period contemporary literature class. It was my first day of my senior year a high school. He laughed and told us that it was our last first day of school. That in college, first days weren’t as big of a deal as they were in grades K-12. I have found a lot of truth in that, but here I sit, on my actual last first day of school. A lot has happened.

e.e. cummings wrote: ” It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” In my last four years, I have grown up to find more of who I really am. At this moment, I am the most of myself as I have ever been, and as I get older, grow more, learn more, I will become more of my whole self.

Since Mr. Peters told us about our future, I have gotten into three car accidents. I quit a sport that I loved, I finished up with two organizations that I loved even more. I moved away, moved home, moved away again, moved home again, moved away, and then farther away, back home, and away once again.

I fell apart, and have gotten myself back together. The pieces fit much better now. I contemplated drinking a bottle of cleaner, once, for a brief moment, and realized that my sadness with self-inflicted and snapped out of it. I lost a best friends’ father, and lost friends and trust in others. I was lost, but found by three amazing girls that I live with now.

I met some of the most amazing and caring people, a group that I now think of as my extended family, and I know that without them, I could go on–but would have no desire to do so. I watched the organization that kept me sane my first year in school fall apart, but slowly claw its way back into being.

I found my way into a balance, lost my footing, developed an anxiety problem, was offered a great job, and took it. I leaped into working for people who make movies happen. I made a wonderful friend and confidant there. Those people told me to work for them when I finish school.

I don’t know if I have found my calling, but I know that I have found the path that will lead me to it. For now, I have the responsibility to be a friend, a student, and myself.


2 responses to “my last first day

  1. The quality of your writing continues to excel. This note is sent with the hope that each of your teachers will also recognize the growing high caliber of your ability to compose and reward you in kind this next school year!

  2. Sounds like you are really getting yourself together – congrats! Looks like college was right for you.

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